This is the first of four articles in my 40 Lessons for 40 series! Throughout my 40th year, I’ll be sharing the truths that transformed my life that I’m carrying into my 40s. The first 10 lessons highlighted in this article are the foundational truths that changed everything for me as I navigated adulthood on my own. I’m so excited to share this journey with you as I step into this new decade!
Today is October 18, 2025. And today, I turn 40.
If I’m being completely honest, I’ve been sitting with a lot of feelings about this. There’s grief here. Mourning for the people and places lost along the way. Sadness about the memories and moments I wished I’d created or held onto longer.
And yet, when I step back and look at the big picture, I’m content. Not in a way that erases the pain or the loss. But in a way that holds both the sorrows and joys all at once. I’m grateful for the truths and important lessons I’ve gathered along this journey. And grateful that even though it hasn’t been all smooth sailing, there’s plenty of light ahead in this life I’m living. I’m truly optimistic and hopeful now that I get to bring these lessons with me as I ease into my 40s.
So here they are. In this article, I’m starting with the first 10 of 40 powerful truths. These are the lessons that truly changed my life for the better, the ones that brought real peace, clarity, and freedom into my life. These lessons not only transformed how I see myself and how I move through the world. They are the lessons that made me who I am today. And these are the core truths I’m confidently carrying forward into this next decade of life.
This article is the first in a series of four articles I’ll be sharing throughout my 40th year. Every few months or so, I’ll add 10 more lessons to the list in a series article until we reach all 40 by the end of my 40th year. Some will be truths I’ve already learned. Others will reveal themselves as I continue to live, reflect, and grow.
But these first 10? These are the foundation. The big shifters. The ones I wish I’d known in my 20s.
And as a reminder to myself and anyone else reading this: even if you’re past your 20s, it’s never too late to learn, to heal, and to grow from wherever you happen to be right now.
Lesson 1: Know when to walk away or “quit.”
We’re taught that quitting is giving up, that persistence always wins. But I’ve learned there’s wisdom in knowing when to close a door. Walking away from a job that’s draining you, a relationship that’s one-sided, a goal that no longer aligns with who you’re becoming…that’s not failure. That’s clarity.
Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is stop forcing something that isn’t working and redirect your energy toward what actually serves your peace and growth.
Lesson 2: Doing less may actually do more for you in the long run.
I used to think productivity meant saying yes to everything, trying to do everything perfectly, and pushing through massive to-do lists while exhausted. But over time, I’ve learned that doing less actually helps you do more in the long-run.
When you protect your energy, set boundaries, and choose quality over quantity, you prevent negative effects like burnout that end up stopping you in your tracks. You preserve your well-being. You show up with more presence and care in the areas that truly matter.
Slowing down doesn’t mean you’re doing less overall. It means you’re able to keep showing up for the long haul instead of burning out halfway through or even in the very beginning.
I used to assume people could see what I was going through: my grief, my exhaustion, my struggles. And when they didn’t respond the way I needed, I felt hurt and invisible. But I’ve learned that people can’t support what they don’t know about or understand. Sometimes you have to be vulnerable enough to truly let them in. You have to name what it is you’re going through, ask for what you need, and trust that the right people will show up when you’re honest about where you are.
Vulnerability isn’t weakness. It’s the bridge that helps others truly see you so they can be there for you in the ways they really want to be.
Lesson 4: Season of life matters more than you think. Give yourself permission to adapt accordingly.
I spent so much of my 30’s trying to force old approaches into new seasons, wondering why I felt like I was failing. But I wasn’t failing. I was just holding myself to a standard that no longer fit my life.
The morning routine that worked when you were single without kids doesn’t work when you have toddlers in the mix. The ambitious goals that fueled you 5 years ago might not serve you during a season of grief or chronic illness.
And you know what? That’s okay.
What worked in one season of life may not work in another. Your capacity changes. Priorities shift. Your body and mind need different things at different times. Give yourself permission to adapt, to release what no longer serves you, and to honor the season you’re currently in right now.
Lesson 5: If something feels overwhelming, break it down into its smallest possible parts.
It’s so easy to look at a big task and think, “I just need to get this done.” Which only leads to frustration when the day ends and it’s still not finished.
But here’s what I’ve learned: that approach leads straight to overwhelm, paralysis, and not even starting at all.
Instead, when I break a big task down into its smallest, tiniest components, everything shifts. Suddenly I’m not trying to “clean the whole kitchen.” I’m putting away the dishes. Wiping down one counter. Cleaning out one drawer. And at the end of the day, instead of saying “I got NOTHING done,” I can actually see the progress I made. I can see all the small but valuable steps that brought me closer to my goal.
For someone with limited time and capacity, this isn’t just helpful, it’s essential. Progress doesn’t have to look like crossing off the entire list by the end of the day. Sometimes it’s just taking the first small step, and all the small steps that follow it within a realistic timeframe that works best for you and your life.
Lesson 6. Learn to fail forward with grace and wisdom.
Fear of failure is something very real that many people deal with, myself included. But something I’ve learned over the years is that every failure can be a valuable lesson and even a crucial step toward success.
Fear of failure, on the other hand, can actually prevent you from taking the scary steps needed to truly grow. The sooner you can stop being so afraid of getting things wrong, the sooner you can allow yourself to grow freely without mental and emotional chains holding you back.
In other words, learn to treat “failure” as a learning experience.
If you’ve heard of “fixed vs. growth mindset”, this is very much a closely related concept.
Lesson 7. Your body gives you quiet signals. Listen to the whispers before they become screams.
The headaches and dizziness. The exhaustion and fatigue. The tightness in your chest. Your body is constantly communicating with you if you take the time and space to listen and pay attention.
For many years, I pushed through the signals, thinking rest was optional or that I could power through anything. But ignoring those whispers doesn’t make them go away. All it does is just let them grow louder and louder until they eventually become screams.
I’ve learned that paying attention early, honoring what my body is telling me, and responding with care prevents so much suffering down the road.
Your body knows what it needs. Listen to it.
Lesson 8: When someone shows you who they are the first time, believe it.
I spent years talking myself out of what I clearly saw and felt, rewriting the story to give people the benefit of the doubt they hadn’t actually earned.
So here’s what I’ve learned. When someone clearly shows you who they are (through their actions, their patterns, their choices), believe them. Don’t gaslight yourself into thinking you misread the situation. Don’t convince yourself that the multiple red flags you saw weren’t really there. Your perception is valid.
Your gut knows. Trust it the first time, not the tenth!
Lesson 9: Learn to sit with discomfort without immediately trying to fix anything.
For years, I always anxiously rushed to try and fix every uncomfortable feeling, every hard situation, every moment of uncertainty. But over the years, I’ve learned that not everything needs to be solved right away. Doing so has oftentimes led to the wrong decisions being made out of panic.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is just be present with what is. Sit with the discomfort. Let yourself feel it without immediately reaching for a solution or a distraction. That’s where real clarity and healing happen.
Lesson 10: You can honor your past without living in it.
Your history shaped you, but it doesn’t have to define your future. You can carry the lessons you learned forward without carrying the weight of the past.
Final Words: Stepping into the Next Decade
Forty feels different than I expected. Not like an ending, but like finally arriving somewhere I’ve been traveling toward for many years.
These 10 lessons are the ones that got me here, to where I am today. These are the truths that brought peace when I needed it most, clarity when everything felt foggy, and permission to stop performing and just be. I’m grateful for every hard-won piece of wisdom, even the ones that came through loss and struggle.
I’ll be sharing 10 more lessons every few months throughout my 40th year until all 40 lessons have been shared. Some are already written in my heart. Others are still unfolding.
If you’re on your own journey of learning and growing, I’d love to hear what truths have shaped you.
What do you wish you’d known sooner?
What lessons are you carrying forward into your future?
Here’s to the decades behind us that made us who we are. And here’s to the ones ahead—full of light, possibility, and everything we’ve yet to become.
BRILLIANT ARTICLE!!